AwaKening

"This album is my story, my journey, and my hope is that it will ring universally.

There are many political and spiritual statements made in this project. I in no way wish to judge, but to shine a light on our collective feelings about the state of our politics, our religion, and our sexuality. I came to my own understanding of God [thru my experience with cancer], what God is, and where God is. Consequently, I feel that if we have any kind of belief in our reality and earth, we have to know that the time is now to become the change.

We are the ones keeping this paradigm of fear in place, and it is up to us to shift it if we wish. That shift and change will materialize through our thoughts and intentions.

I hope you find pleasure, inspiration, and a little bit of fun in this album. It is a part of me and I had a blast making it."




~Melissa Etheridge, *The Awakening*





. . . . . . . . .

ramBling RoSEs +

i feel gooD when things work out
like i did a good JOb*

i doubt myself & my decisions when stuff feels like it fails
like i did it wrong<


i am thinkin' that i dig my new counselor
she is just *new* to me
she feels smART and compassionate & thoughtFUL

right now
i am listening to bob dylan singing the song
where my parent's got the idea for my name
i asked Source (pictured above) if he liked Bob
he said yes!

my Dog.brother is so funny
lately he has taken to laFFing when i'm preparing his meaLs
(w/out the human SOUNDs)
he has the expression of "Aw, man. (shaking his head, smiling)this is just too much"
it makes ME laff
i just LOVE him


i'm almost done Reading sabrina's 3rd book
*Messy, Thrilling Life*
to you, sbrna: thank you for saying a lot of things that i feeL

i'm also reading a bit of Erin Brokovich's book
she tells about what happened for REAL
like AFter the movie
2 of her 3 kids ended up dealing with drug abuse
w/ the $$$ from winning the case, she was able
to send them to REALLy great treatment centers
they are both doing well now, she says
interesting stuff


it's so shitty when you Hurt someone when aLL you were doing was
taking Best CARE of yourSELF.
it sucks
it also sucks when ppl. stoP wanting to commUNIcate!
By, Ry.
i guess i will grieve you now
^deep Breaths^

it ROCKs my faith abt. whether i can susTAIN friendships right now


i talked to my mom this morn'
it's still hard for me
i keep it lite
avoid any too serious questions
i wish it were different

I Dream about having haD a SOLid=
FAMILY
as I grew up
or
Getting anOther chance
at that NOW!



~ ~ ~ ~








top image by Me. It's My shadow & Source's body.

i'm missing T. {a good, old friend} this morning

one of the things that came to me in this cross~country delivery of my belongings
was my Journals

i just found this entry:

T. makes me softer in life. more giggly + happy.

.he said to me today -when i showed him/tried on my new orange corduroy blazer- 'Gawd, you could wear anything + you'd look good. That's HOT! Wow.'

.'Seriously, when considering moving back to the Island; you'd be one of the most Attracting factors.'

.'God, you'd fit in so great out West. You'd attract so many great people / make so many friends.'

One of our muTual friends said 'He'd do anything for you', to Me.

T-man, you are One of the moSt HigH.caliBer hombres I've known. True.
Thanks for luvin' uP mye dog to the sky & bacK.
He loves you the Same & MiSSes you, mister.
I am GREAT^ful for how much laughter you gave me!
Holy SHIT!! SOfun to be SiLLAY avec Toi.
Thanks for rubbing my shoulders / helPing me move / for fake fUCKing your guy freind for me ;) / saying you Love me TOO much when i was needing to HeaR it & asked if you Loved me SO much.
for getting tears in your eyes, lifting your Head up to the sky & saYin, "Yer SO SwEEt!", when i gave you that pc. of ARt before you moved.
for calling me 'babe' w/out eveN realizing that it gave me deep warming.
for simply being YOU.
in your Lumberjack clothes that eye TO.tally *get*. top-notch.

Bottom line: YOU rock Hard.

it suX hard how it ended btwn. us.

I hope I am not lost to you thru it all.
Cuz;
I WOVe you HUGE, siR*








other jouR~naL findings!

a LiFe List:
................

~my own WebSite* of ALL my ARt (updated reg.)

~make Scarves = 2-tONe velvet with l'il buttons & WinGs

~maKe me a QUILT

~Write my BOOk!

~KickBOX

~make a huge Garden w/ floras, herbs + veggies

~see HaVaii (silly pronunciation for hawaii)Done.

~swim with my dolphin brothers & sisTers*

~meet: Hilary Swank [done. now i'd love to have a VISit over Tea with Her], Johnny Depp [had the chance to see him VERy briefly; but was too tired], SARK
[done! AND rec'd a card from her that i still keep AND a lovely, loving
phone message!]

~Let My TRooo AnGER out of My body = [an ON.going Process ===]

~Live in a climate where it's SuNNY OFten = often! with a lite breeze & around 20
degrees CELsius

~Paint my House Brite colours

~Get my stories puBlished [have had 2 poems published!! I am so proud of Myself.]

~Roll in the MUD neKKid {inspired by Witch Baby, a character in
one of Francesca Lia Blocks books.reeeeLLy Close....mostLy drYdiRt
WITH my Clothes on. Still ReallY fun tho!]





(top image of farm by jamesmark_daig. lower image of journal by mirva_susanna. both from photobucket. THANKS.)



~ ~ ~ ~ ~

counter.BALANcing*

here's the CRAZY:


.living with post trauma stress disOrder

.nightmares EV.ery GODDAMn night

.a compromised immuNe sYstem

.often OVercast skies (in actuality=weather)

.a doG that needs a lot (i LOV'im & it's a lot of woRk)

.setting up life in a new part of the country SOLO

.isOlation

.LEarning* to FEEL what i couldn't 30 years aGO

.extraOdinary financial limitations thus*far

.aLLOWing Losses & Shifts in relationships over the last 2 months


========================================


Here's the COUNTerBALancing!


.VISualisation

.Breathing CONSciously

.Creating ART

.Friends

.eaTing WELL

.counsellors/ouTrEACh workers/VoLUNteers

.my Doggie

.making sure i get a good nite's sleep

.cRYing

.ALLOWing my NATural Angry response

.magazines, books, movies, computer playing, music

.GarDening



And ?

I am left feeling BARE.ly SANE.

I wish.on this Shifting. and SOON.



I weLcome any PRAyers or ShaRed stories.




. . . . . . . . . . . .

i receive today

I EXPERIENCE BEING PROVIDED FOR

I EXPERIENCE BEING PROVIDED FOR

I EXPERIENCE BEING PROVIDED FOR

I EXPERIENCE BEING PROVIDED FOR

I EXPERIENCE BEING PROVIDED FOR

I EXPERIENCE BEING PROVIDED FOR

I EXPERIENCE BEING PROVIDED FOR

I EXPERIENCE BEING PROVIDED FOR

I honestly do!





( image by UK artist:jill smith )

new way to feel

goD OH holy seLf
-deep breath-
i have so much saD & don't know where to pUT it
i hurt
plain
+
true

sometimes i can catch it=witness the feeling
+
follow it on thRu

allOw it to sWim up the CENter & out the tOPs of my trees
wushhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...goes the wind
holding my sad
carrying it aWAY
the breeZe can handLe it
can dissapate it
the EaRth knows
how to get rid of it forever
break itt dOWn
to be compOsted + used as nourishment aGain

that's the BEST way
i feeL scooped out afterwards
cLEARed
appreCiative

with no judGement on my sAd*
just a VibrAtion of this particular emotion that WANts to be Let Go oF
it doesn't want to be gripped and caGed & pushed INto Me
it WANts to FLY










..........i can't WAIT till i can allOw EVery feeling OUT like this!









/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

~ heaveNLy sabriNa ~

" I am a woman who only wants to weigh 123 pounds
and sometimes thinks that could be the answer
I am a woman who likes her stomach flat and wants to seem like it doesn't matter all that much
I am a woman who wants to make powerful art of this world
I am a woman who can feel so lonely at the most unexpected times
and sometimes I can't ask directly or tell you how upset I really feel
and I hope I'll grow out of it.
I am a woman who sometimes forgets about poetry and reading in the shade."



( top image is of Sabrina Ward Harrison. Not sure if it's a self Portrait. ALL words are from her. From her book: MESSY THRilling LiFE ~ the Art of Figuring Out How to Live. )

>>> sabrina: i hope how i typed this feels honouring of your writing. i tried my best.